A Christmas without Johan
by YugiohFanfic26
Summary: Judai tells you the story about Johan, his only love. Johan left him the night before Christmas. A Christmas special for you guys!


Hey guys! I'm sorry for those who read and review on 'Obvious Love'. I'm not able to update because I'm carefully arranging the events on my mind. You know… on how the story goes.

Before I update it, I want to make sure it would make a BLAST!

For 'Crazy Mind' I'm taking things innocently and pervertly there. Hehe! I meant Judai and Johan.

This is a lonely Christmas special for you guys. Sure, Judai and Johan!

SPIRIT SHIPPING!!!

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of its characters and I'm happy its Kazuki Takahashi's anime.

Proudly saying! I'm a Yu-Gi-Oh! R/GX/5D'S fan for life and eternity!

Hope you enjoy! ^_^

**A Christmas without Johan**

Sure… it's easy for someone to say, 'it's easy to forget'. But if you can say those words, you may not have been in-love before. You can't understand me. You don't know what the feeling is of being alone. Why am I saying this? Because it would never be relieve again. Never it will be gone… my heart break. You can attach my heart back again to whole. But still… it leaves a crack - A crack never going to be plated. Where did I get this crack? Simple, from my love… my love… What did he do? Replace me? No… he can never do that. My love… he's the perfect kind of lover you'll ever have. But he left me, the night before Christmas.

We are happy, very happy indeed. It's perfect actually. We have money, looks, friends, talents and amazing characteristics. We have each other. You may say, 'You've got everything!' Yes, we do have _almost _everything. I wish we have all. Only that we don't have the one important thing… a person dearly needs on his life… serenity.

I can blame our characteristics why we don't have such serenity. I have a feminine aura, face so cute and adorable – almost angelic and a body so damn irresistibly sexy. My Eyes are as sweet as chocolate, and I have a winning personality. Who wouldn't fall on me?

My lover? Oh he? God he's perfect, it's all I can say. That tall man I fall in-love with. His creamy skin and perfectly toned body, his smooth colored teal hair, his gorgeous looks, more shown by his striking emerald green eyes I could never forget. His characteristics are of a kind, smart, funny and friendly man. Who also wouldn't long him?

I can give a contented sigh, knowing that he's mine. But it doesn't last for long. I am crying now… remembering all the good times we had. Now… it wouldn't be done again.

Now… it just memories that keeps me alive inside.

Now… it will be a dust on the wind.

I just can die now.

The first time we met? You want to know how? I'll tell you…

I am just haunted by these weird dreams. I'm dreaming of people that tells me I keep them hanging. I keep them waiting for my love. But I never did, it just I'm sweet and kind around people. That may give them the wrong idea. Well, too much to say. You may completely understand me, if you read my story.

A Christmas without Johan

To explain what Judai Yuki is feeling on school… simply boredom… nothing really exciting is happening so… what should he do? He decided to skip class, thinking that staying on the roof top will help him decrease his boredom. But is it more? Something tells him he needs to wait for something. What in the world is that something anyway? On his tiredness, he decided to stand up and stretches his stiff back. He groans a little. Boring… tiring word to say. Boring… can this be change? Boring… until he spots a guy staring at him.

That guy… was clearly drowned into Judai's figure, definitely staring at Judai's angelic face. He doesn't want to pinch himself if he was dreaming. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to see an angel – standing on the academy's main building roof top, wearing an Osiris red uniform. It hits him, that's a student he is staring. So he may not be dreaming.

Judai, on the roof top, stares at the guy near the stairs. He looks hot. He doesn't know, but he can feel his blood rushing furiously on his veins. When is the last time he experience this? Never… so he just continues stares at the guy to find an answer. But it still became a question. Then the guy smiles at him making Judai blush. He smiles back then the guy blushes too. It is really something different.

The guy starts to walk on his way. Judai stares at the guy walking closer to him.

"Hey…" Judai said. And he was wondering why that's the only thing he manage to say.

The guy smiles at him again. "Hey…" he also said. Weird… he never felt this so shy to anyone before.

Judai step aside the shyness he was feeling. He gives a glee to the pretty boy. "It's the first time I saw you here. Are you new?" He then notices the guys' dazzling emerald eyes.

The guy giggled then notices how beautiful Judai's chocolate eyes were. "I am." He tilt his head a bit on a side, he stares at Judai's eyes. "I like your eyes."

"You do?" The guy nodded. Judai blushes then. He stares at the guys' eyes. "I like your eyes too."

The guy looks shyly at the floor. "Well… your eyes really tell me something."

Judai tilt his head on a side, "What is it?" he asked with wonder.

He stares straight to him. "I… sorry I'm so sudden but… your eyes just tell me…" he stare down the floor.

"You're the one for me…" they said simultaneously.

They stare at each other, shock and amazement flashes in their faces. "Wow… we just met." The guy said as he sheepishly giggles.

"I don't care." Judai said as he kisses the guy on the lips. The guy responded. He kisses Judai, wrapping an arm around Judai's waist and a hand on his head, deepening the kiss. They stayed like that for a while before they pulled away. They can see love at each others eyes.

Emerald meets the loving chocolate, a moment no one would one to disturb. "Did I just experience love at first sight?"

Judai smiles, "I think so, because I didn't even know your name yet."

The guy blush in embarrassment, "Oh yeah, I can't believe my _boyfriend _doesn't know my name and it's my fault." He laughs sheepishly.

Judai smile sweetly, feeling something good, calling him boyfriend of someone he suddenly love… or should I say… destined to be love. "Boyfriend…" he called sweetly, "My name is Judai Yuki."

"Judai Yuki…my boyfriend" he smile gently, "My name is Johan Anderson, hope you like my name."

Judai nodded jolly, "Of course! And I know I'll like more."

A Christmas without Johan

It was fast. And that made me believe, that love isn't stronger base on how long you've been friends or had known each other. It's on how your eyes know the soul within you. Your soul telling you that you found your other half.

I am excited to tell my friends about my new boyfriend at that time. But Johan said it would be better if we keep it a secret for sometime. He told me its fun to see whose friend of mine will conclude that we're boyfriends. I agreed, because it does sounded fun, and I will know whose friend of mine knows my actions better.

A Christmas without Johan

In class, Principal Shepard presents the new students of duel academy. Almost every eye was on Johan, everyone knows why. Sure… Judai had his eyes on the transferee. It's his boyfriend after all, he feels rather proud, that he already have the heart of the hot European before his fellow students know him. And he knows it's just more than luck.

He stares lovingly at his boyfriend. A hand supporting his head, eyes are shimmering in joy, and then he felt an elbow lightly pushing his arm. He slightly turns his head to look at Kenzan. "You like him, serge? I can tell why, he's looking blazey." Kenzan said as he narrows his eyes teasingly to the blushing brunette.

Judai let's out a sigh. That compliment from Kenzan for Johan didn't bother him. First, because that's true, he'll be annoyed if Kenzan is telling a lie but he's not. Second, because Kenzan really likes to tell something about people. He is his friend. So jealousy is too far away for him to feel it. Third, he knows Johan is his.

After class Judai and his friends went to the Osiris cafeteria. Jasmine, Mindy and Rei were talking about Johan and Judai, on who's hotter, and they keep on trying to urge Alexis to join the discussion. Soon, Sho and Kenzan join the discussion which is more like a debate. When Manjoume joined in, the voices grew louder. They were fighting over, to Judai, is nonsense. _"If they know Johan and I were boyfriends already." _He sighs, _"I hope they'll notice it in a snap."_

He sweats drops, looking at his now arguing friends. They are all standing just because of exclaiming on their debate. Sho, Kenzan and Rei were on 'Judai's hotter than Johan'. While Jasmine, Mindy and Manjoume were on 'Johan's hotter than Judai'. Manjoume joined in to that part to mock Judai. Alexis were on _nobody's _side. Who cares about who's hotter? She likes Judai more than anyone.

Judai stare at the entrance door, waiting for a certain someone. When it slowly opens, a teal haired head peaked, Judai smile brightly and Johan smiles back. Weirdly, the door's creaking sound made everyone at the cafeteria stare at the door. Their eyes grow wide in anticipation when saw the heavenly gorgeous blunette.

Judai and Johan had their eyes on each other while Johan is walking to Judai. Alexis notice their eye to eye contact. Let's say because she's the only one not looking amaze and jealous at Johan. Only jealousy is what she's feeling, _"Why they look at each other like that?" _she thinks while Johan is sitting next to Judai, _"Could it be that…"_

"Hey Judai…" Johan smiles gently. "How's your day?"

Judai smiles back, "I'm alright, how about you?"

Johan starts to lift his hands to cup Judai's face, but Judai halt Johan hands under the table's with a slight hard slap on the drifting hand. Johan wince a bit. Judai gave Johan a glare that says, you said secret remember? Johan nodded in response and understanding, so he replied the first question. "My day is very good. But it's better to say, excellent."

Judai eyes shimmers; he knows he caused the excellent part of it. They stayed quiet for a while, when every shock faces started to move and shout. "YOU KNOW EACH OTHER?!"

Judai and Johan look at them. Judai nod his head, "Just this morning."

A Christmas without Johan

Starting then, the numbers of those who envy me grow from 'can be counted by hand' to 'impossible to be counted by hand'. And I know if everyone knows Johan is my boyfriend, the number will grow bigger.

I get fume in anger sometimes, because I often see envy girls flirting my boyfriend. There I hope that if they found out the truth, they'll stop doing that flirt thingy. It really pisses me off. And what I hate the most is Johan apologizing because those girls are flirting him. And it's not his fault!

Our first week of secret relationship is really tiring… and annoying. Kenzan is teasing me about Johan. Sho sometimes – often, crying because I like Johan better than him. He's my boyfriend, and I just don't like him, but love him.

What I can't forget is what I and Johan called our first date. Even though it's only on the academy's main building roof top, it doesn't matter. What important is me and Johan.

A Christmas without Johan

Judai and Johan were sitting on the edge of the main building's roof top. Judai is leaning on Johan's shoulder and Johan's arm was on Judai's waist.

"The sun is pretty, isn't it Judai?"

Judai nodded, "Yeah, especially when it collides with the water." He raises an eyebrow, "The sun collides with the water but it never loses its fire. How come it happen Johan?" he looks up to his boyfriend.

Johan laughs lightly, "It never collides with the water Judai."

"Huh?" Judai looks at the setting sun, "But it's drowning, look!" he points a finger.

"You see… the sun is like our love." Johan started.

Judai turn around to face his Johan, "Our love?"

Johan nodded, "Its fire is immeasurable, like our love. And the large amount of water represents the huge number of envy girls flirting us. Even though the water is so huge, it never kills the fire of the sun. Because the truth is, the sun is bigger and stronger than the water. On one look the sun is out of number compared to the water, but if you will seek deeper, you'll know. Our love like the sun is the frontrunner amongst the water."

Judai felt his heart melt, that's a better explanation than what his science teacher on pre-school told him. And it was nicer to hear. He kisses his Johan until the moon becomes the light of the night.

A Christmas without Johan

I blush every time I remember that day. Those sweet words Johan told me, always makes my heart sing.

Well, seems they are starting to notice that I and Johan have more than friends' relationship. We can't help being sweet to each other anyway. Although they are not so sure about it, it started to be a blast news all over the school when a picture of Johan and I, kissing, where post on a school bulletin. We are immediately called to face the whole school to explain.

A Christmas without Johan

Judai and Johan where on the classroom's little stage. Students, teachers and faculty members gathered to here the explanations of the young lovers.

"Yes it's true." Johan spoke up. "I and Judai were boyfriends, so who the hell cares?" he swift his hands up.

The crowd recoils, talking to fellow students. Rei stands up, hands on the desk. "Why you keep it a secret then?" the crowd recoils again, agreeing on Rei.

Johan roll his eyes in annoyance before answering, "We just want to see if who's friend of my boyfriend will notice our relationship first." He huffs, "It's just for a little fun, we don't want to cause too much of this commotion."

Sho stands up too, "How long are you together?"

A smile painted on Judai and Johan's face, they look at each other before simultaneously answering, "Starting when we first met…"

Everyone recoils, "Love at first sight?" they keep muttering.

"On the Osiris roof top, if everyone wants to know." Johan informed. "And also our first kiss happened there, on the same day." He smiles proudly.

"You keep us hoping!" a girl spoke up.

"I love'd you Johan!" another girl speak up.

Judai was annoyed, "Who the hell told you to hope?!" he shouted.

Alexis stands up, glaring at Judai, "Judai you're really stupid are you?!" they all turn their heads on Alexis, "They thought that Mr. Perfect and Mr. Dream guy are single. So sure they love them they hope that they have a chance. A little mistake of them is that they didn't think, that Mr. Perfect and Mr. Dream guy are gays and they were together!" Alexis exclaims as she stomped out of the room.

A Christmas without Johan

That was a big commotion eventually. But I apologize to them for keeping our relationship a secret. Johan too apologize, telling them that it was his idea after all. My friends forgave me, I believe they forgave me because they said so, I didn't suspect any hidden anger.

I and Johan become so happy for a couple of months. What made me excited is the coming Christmas season. I expect Johan nothing. I just want him to be with me, on that special day. I'm counting the days.

A Christmas without Johan

Johan and Judai were on Judai's room, cuddling on the bed. Johan were lying at his back with Judai's head on his left arm. Judai's head were on Johan, an arm and a leg were wrapped on Johan's body. Johan plays Judai's hair with his finger, he rest his head on Judai's hair, smelling it. "What do you want for Christmas Judai?" Johan asked, almost mumbling.

Judai simply shook his head, "Nothing anything more Johan, I just want to be with you that's all. You're the best gift I'd ever had." Judai closes his eyes.

Johan chuckles a bit, feeling happy that he already gave his boyfriend that greatest gift ever. "But still… I want to make our first Christmas together… very, very, very, very…" Johan continues to say the word very. That makes Judai, a bit of impatient.

He raises an eyebrow and look up at his boyfriend, "Johan, halt it." Johan stopped then look down at his boyfriend, "Can you continue? Very what?"

Johan smiles gently then he kisses his boyfriend on the lips for about good five seconds. "Very… special," Judai smiles, "It will be something you wouldn't forget."

Judai snuggle to his Johan deeper, breathing on his vest. "So you have a plan already."

Johan merely nodded, "I'm telling you, you'll feel mix emotions on that moment. You might cry… because of joy."

"I think that will be pleasurable."

A Christmas without Johan

I don't have a bit idea on what's Johan's plan on that time. But whatever that was, thrills me very much in anticipation. That made me count the days more impatiently. My Christmas will be so very special with Johan.

I'm sure Johan's for me and I'm for him. And whatever happens I'll believe in him than anymore else. I know my friends care for me a lot. On that time, I'm just giving a sigh when every time I'll see them looking very observant to Johan, like he'll do anything bad. It's a very funny memory actually.

A Christmas without Johan

Johan gently kiss his boyfriend on the lips, in front of their friends. "I'll bid goodbye for now. See you later!" Johan said as he walk away, waving goodbye to them. But before further walking will be done, furious glares shut at him. He shivered. He slowly turns around to his back only to see burning eyes of Judai's friends.

"Where are you going private?!" Kenzan shouted.

"You're not just going to leave Judai, this early!" Rei scolded.

"Are you going to your other man?!" Sho shouted, "Or woman?!"

Judai blinked a few times before raising an eyebrow to his friends. He looks at them with a titling head that says, 'huh?'

"I'm going to arrange an important thing." Johan explained, "And I don't have any other man or woman!!!" Johan scolded looking tired in front of them.

"Oh really?" Rei, Kenzan and Sho said as they lean closer to Johan with narrowing eyes.

Alexis huffed, "Come on guys!" Alexis chuckles, "If you will continue to stare at Johan like that. He may stiff and crack." She said playfully. "Besides, if Judai trust him so much, should we too? I mean, Judai has the strongest instinct and biggest heart of us all."

Sho sighs, "I guess you're right."

Rei smiles, "Well, whatever you're going to arrange Johan. Go along… as long as it won't hurt Judai its fine."

"Thanks!" Johan mouthed 'I love you' to Judai before running off.

Judai leans to Alexis' ear to whisper, "Thanks Lex,"

Alexis shrugged and smiles, "Don't mention it."

A Christmas without Johan

Well, to tell you the truth, either I do not know what Johan is arranging. He won't tell me. Maybe it's his special gift for me on Christmas. So because I don't want to spoil his surprise, I just keep my mouth shut.

Time flies fast, on that time when December 24 hits the calendar. I just get so excited. Tomorrow is my awaited Christmas, my first Christmas with Johan and I'm really thinking his gift for me. Is it a huge teddy bear? A mouth watering gourmet chocolate? Or a bunch of fried shrimp?

My heart is really pounding with anticipation… but…

… Wait…

Not only excitement is what I'm feeling on that time.

Also discomfort… on that time I'm asking myself where I got this feeling. I shrugged it off, thinking that this discomforts if just nervous. I'm just nervous about Johan's gift. Nervous that I may not like it, yeah, maybe that's it. But I thought that Johan would not be wrong on choosing my gift. So that's impossible that I may not like it. I laugh at it, thinking I'm becoming a fool somehow.

But when an hour passes, I found myself running. I'm looking for Johan. Where's my Johan? This feeling I have grew. Thoughts of Johan gone, appeared in my mind, I shrugged it off but it will come back immune of my averting. I can't take it out of my mind! It's like a epidemic… and I'm hoping that if I'll see just even a little hint that Johan is still here. I'll be cured. So I ran along, founding my self already on academy's forest. I stopped, feeling Johan's presence. I follow my heart, feeling it beat louder and louder as I came closer to where I feel Johan is. But why I'm feeling nervous?

It was answered. I see Johan now, looking alive and well. That gave me relief. But what's this? Tears? Am I crying? But why? Johan is alive. He's standing there. He's standing there… with a girl. Their lips latched with one another.

A Christmas without Johan

Judai covers his mouth, to stop the sound he may create in his cries. His heart is aching so much, he thought he would die. A simple squeak of cry escaped from his mouth as turns away and run… run… and run.

"Judai!"

He could swear he heard Johan call him. But no, he will not turn back. His heart won't allow him so, and his body feels so cold he can't feel any presence of blood rushing within him. Is he dead? No, just dead emotionally.

In so much pain in his heart, his feet leave him standing beside a cliff. His eyes show no feelings. His face is blank. Suddenly, he leapt onto the cliff. He was numb by now; he doesn't care if he'll die. He didn't know what push him to jump on the cliff… but who the hell cares? Johan leave him. Johan has another now. Johan doesn't love him anymore. Or so he thought…

A hand grasps his hand, stopping and saving him from falling completely. He slowly opens his eyes to look up, and to his surprise it was Johan. Johan's chest down to his feet was on the ground, his hands gripping on Judai's hand, very tight.

"Judai… hang on!" he said while pulling Judai up.

Judai didn't move a bit. He was stun to see a _liar _saving him. Johan succeeded saving Judai. He was panting after it, but his hands never lose his grip onto Judai's. Judai thought Johan is only panting, but what are those liquid coming from Johan's face? Before he could answer himself, Johan hugged him tightly and cry on his neck.

"Judai… why did you do that? I thought… I thought I'm going to lose you." Johan said as he cries.

Judai felt happy but no, he remembers what he previously saw that cause him to jump. He pushes Johan away from him, making the European shock. Judai quickly stands up, giving a glare on Johan. "Why did you do that?"

Johan nodded, showing that he understand Judai's question. "I'm sorry"

"It's not enough!" Judai scolded, tears forming on the edge of his eyes. "You lied to me Johan… you told me you love me… but… what did you did? You… you cheater!" Judai said as he cries. He turns around to run but a pair of strong arms hugging him.

"Judai, that kiss isn't proving I don't love you anymore." He hugs Judai tighter. "That girl only pushes herself to me. I never wanted to kiss her. I only belong to you, Judai Yuki." He turns Judai around, cupping his face, looking at those crying beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Even his own emerald ones are crying to. "I love you Judai… only you."

Judai hugs Johan's waist as he scream his name, "I love you too Johan, I love you…" he grip on Johan's dress, "I love you so much I'll die with out you."

"Same here my brown haired angel…" he mumbles as he rests his head on Judai's hair, breathing is scent.

They stayed like that for a moment, hearing their pounding hearts beating with love. Nothing would like to dare to interrupt such precious moment. No one wouldn't shiver on the romantic aura hanging on the air, on how the lovers where so close with one another and on how they hang onto each other.

It all stays like that until Judai pulls away with such sureness in his eyes. "Johan… you love me right?"

Johan looks at Judai like he was crazy, "Of course I do!"

"Then… don't just… say it… show… show me…" he felt his face burning.

Johan eyes widened a little, showing a little shock from Judai's words. But it all faded away and it turns to a gentle smile. He nodded slowly, "I'm honor to show you." Judai responded a smile. Johan carry Judai in a bridal as they went inside Judai's room. And as lovely as the sunset, their love was proven for the first and… last time.

A Christmas without Johan

It was lovely. It pained me a lot at first but it turn out to be pleasurable in the end. It's fantastic to be with the one you love. The feeling of your souls being one, and the feeling of having the assurance that you belong to each other is the greatest gift for Christmas. And I thought it was Johan's gift. But he shook his head meaning its not. And it left me wondering, what can be more pleasurable than this that Johan will give me? On that time I was thinking, chocolate is not as pleasurable as what we have done. So what could possibly be it? I shrugged it off, and sleep again in my lovers arms.

But I suddenly woke up, feeling non other than the discomfort I had earlier. I saw Johan standing beside the bed and kissing my forehead.

A Christmas without Johan

"Johan, don't leave me." Judai grasp Johan's arm.

Johan turn around to see his Judai awake. He gave Judai a kiss on the lips before answering. "I won't leave you, Judai. I'll be back I promise."

"But where are you going?"

Johan smiles, "I'm going to arrange some things about your gift."

Judai could just let Johan go, but with the discomfort he is feeling in his heart. He couldn't trust Johan to just go away. It's not that he is afraid to see Johan with another girl again. It's something else, more tragic in a sense. Judai shook his head. "No, I don't care about the gift. I just want you to be with me. I told you that."

Johan nodded, he bends to kiss his brunette angel on the lips again. But on some way, a feeling tells Judai, that kiss is _different._

Johan pulls away, but Judai pulled him back for a kiss again. Johan chuckled a bit, "Are you going to miss me?"

Judai nodded, "I love you Johan."

"I love you too Judai, and I promise I'll come back." He said as Judai grip on his arms slipped on his hands then none.

"I'll wait for you…" with that, even reluctant Judai fell into a sleep.

Johan smiles as he walks out of the room.

A Christmas without Johan

I wake up the next morning. I easily figured out, it was Christmas already. I am very happy and excited. But what bothered me deeply was not seeing Johan beside me. I thought on that day, he was outside maybe arranging his gift for me. So I quickly dress up and went outside, looking for him. As I walk outside I saw a crowd of people dressing like somewhat in police uniform, so I thought they were police. I got curious on what's going on so I started walking to them. And that's were a discomfort rise again in my heart.

A Christmas without Johan

"Are you Judai Yuki?" a police ask Judai.

Judai nodded and wondering, "Yes, I am. What about it?"

"We are told not to tell you exactly what happen, but a student named Edo Phoenix will tell you the full details." The police said in a somewhat plain voice.

Judai felt his heart rising again in discomfort, stronger than earlier. His instincts are telling him a thought. But Judai doesn't want to ask it, but he have to. It just tells him that sooner or later he'll know, even if he asks or not. "Is it about Johan Anderson?" he gulped, feeling anxious about the police officers' expression. The police is somewhat sadden.

"Yes, it is about him." The police breathe deep before continuing. "Mr. Anderson - "

"Wait!" the police officer turn around to face the owner of the voice. It was Edo, along with Sho, Rei, Alexis, Kenzan, Jim, Axel, and Manjoume. "We'll tell him, you can go now." The police bid goodbye and he left.

Judai didn't know but he feels like crying, even though unsure his heart is telling him that whatever news it is. It is not good.

"Aniki…" Sho started, tears start to form on his eyes.

"What is it Sho? You're all here." He looks all around him. "But where's Johan? Is he still arranging my gift?" he make a fake pout, "He should learn to do things early." Well, these words are all said for an attempt to hinder his inner discomfort.

Alexis breathed deeply, "Johan could no longer give your gift." Sho, Kenzan and Rei started crying.

"What do you mean? Why not?" Judai is starting to figure out what's going on. But still, he forces it away and makes another reason. "Johan… is with another person now?"

"No!" Jim suddenly shouted, "Johan loves you very much, he can't never do that to you." Jim starts to cry.

Judai sniffed, stopping the tears that form on the edge of his eyes. He exclaims, "Then tell me… where _my_ Johan?!"

"Johan's dead…" those simple words that came out from Manjoume's mouth, making Judai froze, pain climbed to his body, like there's a cold metal clenching his heart – breaking it into tiny pieces.

"You're lying…" Judai breathed, his tears suddenly roll down his eyes, and he clenches his eyes shut trying to stop the tears. "Johan's not dead. He can leave me for another person but he cannot be dead!" he sit squat, holding his legs closer to him. Alexis and Jim went to rub his back to sooth him, even though they know it won't work a bit. "How? How does he leave me?"

Edo wipes his tears using his handkerchief before answering Judai, "Yesterday night, Johan's body… were seen under the cliff. And under the investigation." He pauses for a while to calm himself, "The murderer stab Johan on the back before completely pushing him to the cliff." He looks away to hinder his tears, "There's struggle… they saw scratches and wounds on Johan's body… caused by his fall and… his struggle to fight the murderer."

Judai sob harder as he tries to form coherent words on his mouth, knowing what happen to Johan, his only love, tells him that… Johan wants to be with him all the time, he tried to fight, though the conclusion had been so sad… so hurtful… a pain Judai can't comprehend. This is worse than the shadow games, worse than hurting your soul by stabs and blows. "Johan you cheater…" he mumbles, "You told me you'll be with me and give me a special gift… but…"

Hearing all this, Edo handed Judai a big red box. "Here's Johan's gift for you Judai."

Judai looked up, when he saw the box he's face changed to anger. He swift his hands to throw the box away. "I don't need that gift! I need Johan!" he exclaims.

"Judai, get that box and open it!" Axel ordered, "Inside that box is what Johan wants to give you this Christmas. He is very excited."

Jim sighs, "Yes, he is. He can't wait to see your expression when you open that box, though he was bit nervous on your reaction." Jim smiled, remembering Johan.

"So please Judai, open that box, and tell Johan your reaction." Axel pleaded.

Judai looked at the box, a few meters away from him, he slowly walks to it. Every step closer makes him remember Johan, again and again. He picked the box and turn to his friends. "Can I be alone? I want to be with Johan's gift – his special gift."

"But Aniki don't you want to see - " Sho was stopped by Kenzan's tap on his shoulder. Kenzan shook his head, which Sho quickly understands.

Judai smiled weakly at Sho, "I'll visit Johan, just make sure we'll be alone… and I can touch him."

"If you want to know who… killed him." Edo started.

"I know…" Judai breathed.

"You know?!" they exclaimed.

Judai nodded, "Manjoume… I only loved you as a friend. Sorry if I keep you hoping." Judai turn to him, "But still I can't believe you killed Johan!"

Manjoume stared with shock, he blurted "How did you know?!"

Judai didn't answer, as his friends' looks at Manjoume in shock. They turned him to the police even though its pain to them, because Manjoume is their friend too.

A Christmas without Johan

It was dreadful, no that was an understatement. It's a feeling I know that is quickly killing me. It's unbearable, immeasurable… unforgettable. I ran to my room along with the red box. I didn't dare to touch my bed. It will only make me remind of Johan. Of how we have shared our love.

Remembering that night, I screamed Johan's name and I jumped on my bed. Crying his name on my pillow, breathing Johan's scent on the pillow we had lay on. I cried and cried, I didn't notice that I have fallen asleep.

When I woke up its already night, I sit straight on my bed. Thinking that I just had a nightmare and Johan is still _alive. _But when I saw the red box, my hope drained and I start feeling this immeasurable pain in my heart… again.

The red box… this big red box, I maybe jumping out because of excitement now, if Johan was still here, but if Johan really wants me to accept that gift, and then I will.

First, I open a small blue envelope and read it.

A Christmas without Johan

_My beloved angel Judai Yuki,_

_Merry Christmas my love! I know you are really excited about my gift. Well, here it is!_

_I love you Judai, dearly, that I never wanted anyone in my life than you. You complete me, and that's what I thank you of. I want to be with you until my last breathe. I will cherish you forever._

_So my angel, got any gist of what my gift is? Open this box and tell me… later you'll know!_

_Person who love you immeasurably,_

_Johan Anderson_

A Christmas without Johan

I let a tear drop from my eyes to the cold wooden floor of my room. I take a deep breathe before I unwrapped the box from its gold ribbon and red wrapper. I slowly open the box and to my surprise, I saw cottons and crumbled papers. I wonder, is this what Johan want to give me? Then I put my hand inside the box, into my surprise I touched something. It's rough and square, as I can identify it that's it. A slowly pull it out from the cotton, and to my surprise again. It's only a small velvet blue box. I laughed, thinking Johan really wants to surprise me.

I felt something tugging my heart, warm breeze whispering in my ear and a familiar presence coming closer to me. But no one's there, only me.

I slowly open the blue velvet box.

A Christmas without Johan

Judai's eyes show shock and amazement. There in front of him, resting on the blue velvet box is a gold ring, embroil with red ruby line on it and topped with a beautiful emerald jewel.

"_Will you marry me Judai?"_

It takes Judai no second to think who the owner of that voice is. He felt his eyes drop another tear. He ran outside the Osiris dorm, to where his heart is telling him to go. He ran to the forest. There he saw an open coffin in the middle of four supporters, each of them connected by a white blanket. There, white lights in each side give light along with the moon. He leisurely walks to the coffin, taking each step as a sign that the coffin was occupied by his precious. He holds the ring carefully in his fingers. Shaking a bit, he calm himself, he knows that on the time he will see _Johan _again. He'll break out.

He steps closer until when finally in front of the coffin. A smile etched on his face. As he place his hands above the coffin, like showing his hands to Johan.

"I do Johan, I'll marry you." He said as he carefully, put the ring on his ring finger, but before he could. A light flashes almost blinding Judai. He screams as the light grows stronger, but somewhat the light feels warm.

He slowly opens his eyes, revealing nothing but lovely emerald eyes.

"J-Johan!" he hugged his only koi, never wanted to pull away. Then he realize. "Johan, how are you here? I mean… you're d-de-dead."

Johan nodded slowly, "I am," he smiles, "This is heaven Judai."

Judai looked around, and saw the place full with clouds, flowers and golden stands. "I'm dead?"

"No" he cups Judai's face. "You're not… you're desire to see me again brought you here. And since its Christmas and you are a good child, Lord granted your wish." He laughs a hand on his head.

"But I want to die Johan,"

Johan look calmly on Judai's eyes, "No, you can't my angel. It's not your time yet."

"Is it your time also? You're too young Johan. And this ring." He raises the ring.

Johan nodded and get the ring; he placed it and Judai's finger. But instead of saying 'will you marry me' Johan ask Judai, "Will you live for me my angel?" Johan smiles, "Please Judai… please accept."

Judai nodded as he covers his mouth for tears start to flow from his eyes again. Johan slips the ring on his ring finger, and hugs him. "Of course Johan… I'll live for you; I'll live in your memories."

"Thank you my beloved…" with that Johan pulls away and kiss Judai, for the last time.

A Christmas without Johan

I found myself standing and leaning beside Johan's coffin. I ask myself if it's true. If I really been able to visit Johan in heaven. I looked at his coffin, and a peaceful look of him answered me. Yes, it's true. I looked at the ring now on my finger, and gave it a rub. Johan is my angel. It's true that he left me physically, but emotionally and spiritually… Johan will always be here with me. In my mind and in my heart.

Does Johan left me the night before Christmas? He did, only his Earth made body. But am I alone on Christmas? No, because Johan's with me. And will be with me, until we meet again in… _heaven_.

**THE END…**

I'm sorry if I did a lonely Christmas special for you guys. Their should be another one but time isn't enough. But if you'll agree, I'll post another Christmas special before New Year!

Read and review please! A Christmas gift for me… (Brown puppy dog eyes!)

^_^ Happy Holidays! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HO! HO! HO!


End file.
